Ok so afew questions
1. If this story is good, should I make a blog for other stories i wrote?
2. Is the story good?
3. Whats some improvements i can make
Ok so i know its just the start, but if you like it. Comment and I’ll add more Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view.
Just the beginning
Most people don’t see it; I guess it’s their way of dealing with such crimes. Can’t say I blame them. Being involved is just the beginning….
I opened my blood struck eyes; filled with pain and all I could see was the swaying, flashing light behind the shadow of a man. The clearer my eyes became, the more I wished they never opened. The man stood in front of me, with a scum grin on his face and cigarette in his mouth. (Oh, how I wish he choked on that cigarette) He blew one puff of smoke as he started to speak.
“Y’got guts kid, I’ll give you that. Too bad ‘Big boss’ wants you dead, you could of been one hell of a help if ya kept your mouth shut!” said the man, his voice sounded as if he could make baby’s cry.
“Are these your kids?” holding up a stained photo and facing to me.
“And your wife? Wow, guess you got a good ridin’ out of her.” I tried to grab at him but the bonds on my arms were too strong. Then I tried to yell but my mouth had been covered. The man pulled out his engraved lighter and with one flick, the photo was burning. I screamed with pain, as I saw my family burn in front of my very eyes. All I could think was how much I wish I could see them one more time.
He then reached for the gun on the table, loaded the bullets quite violently.
“9mm, classy gun…..Oh, how rude of me! The names Joey and I’ll be your executor this fine evening. “
And with that note he pointed the gun straight to my head, and pulled the trigger……..
Chosen Answer:
I absolutely love your book! My opinion, you should add more detail in each sentence. The beginning was fine but towards the end you started jumping a little and i got kind of lost. Add more things to some sentences to ensure that it flows smoothly and it’s easy to understand. And i really do think you should make a blog for all of the stories your wrote! Good Luck!
